Emotional Intelligence 101 – Who Are You?

Emotional Intelligence 101 – Who Are You?

Beta Life Series

Emotional Intelligence 101 – Who Are You?

Samuel Osho

After being brutally beaten and robbed, a man was left unconscious on the roadside. A psychiatrist was passing by, he paused, looked at the man and exclaimed: “My God, whoever did this, really needs help!”

What’s the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A magician pulls rabbits out of hats whereas a psychologist pulls habits out of rats. 

Long before the field of psychology received significant attention, there was little or no importance placed on the value of emotional intelligence. But recent studies have convincingly proven that to succeed in today’s world, high intelligence quotient (IQ) is not enough. For guaranteed success in leadership positions, you need an excellent blend of IQ and emotional intelligence. 

You must have heard people say that managing people is a tough job. That’s why leadership and management will be a hard nut to crack for anyone that fails to intentionally understand people and why they act the way they do. But how can you understand others if you are not fully aware of who you are? 

It’s easy to manage robots – no mood swings, no sick days, no anger feats, and all sorts. But when your job requires managing a team of four to six people, a headache pops up and then you are about to explode. 

It’s clear that it’s impossible to separate human beings and their emotions. Your typical day can best be described as a rollercoaster of diverse feelings and emotions – angry, happy, sad, ashamed, afraid, anxious and we have some emotions that are without names.  

It’s a huge challenge to effectively deal with emotions because our brains are wired to always give emotional reactions an upper hand. When you receive signals from your sensory organs – sight, smell, hearing and touch; the signals pass through the spinal cord at the base of your brain to its destination (the frontal lobe – the back of your forehead). But before the signal reaches the frontal lobe, it has to pass through the limbic system. The limbic system is the seat of emotions while the frontal lobe is the seat of rational thinking and logic. So, the signals get tampered with and evoke some emotions before they reach the center of logical thinking. That’s the popular emotional hijacking! 

 

In the book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, Emotional Intelligence was divided into four core areas: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. 

The first two – self-awareness and self-management drive your personal competence because they have to do with the understanding and management of your personal emotions. 

The last two – social awareness and relationship management controls your social competence because they involve comprehending the emotions of people around you and effectively manage your interactions with them. 

In conclusion, low emotional intelligence is not the end of the world. Not when you are determined to see it grow and improve. But the foundation of all the four core areas is self-awareness – it sets the pace for the development of other areas. The journey to increasing your emotional intelligence starts with YOU – it does not start by pointing fingers, it starts by going inside out.

For further reading on Emotional Intelligence, you can check the following books: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, Working with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

Lessons from 2019

Lessons from 2019

Lessons from 2019

31

DECEMBER 2019

Samuel Osho

Wow! 2019, what a year! A year that taught me many lessons and shaped my character in ways unimaginable. I am not here to tell you “to inspire and aspire your desire even when you perspire …” Wait a minute, what’s that? Stop those rhymes in 2019 and let’s be serious in 2020. It’s a new year.  

Here are some lessons I learnt in 2019: 

 

5 Lessons from 2019

1. No one owes you anything

Yes, you heard that right, no one owes you anything. You can effortlessly find yourself in the web of entitlement where you tie your needs and progress to people. A place where you think A and Y owe you X and Z.

Whatever you are doing for people, do it as unto the Lord and not with the intention of reciprocity.

If you are the type that helps people and broadcast it everywhere, it’s a terrible way to live life. If you help others and think they owe you an obligation to reciprocate the favour, you may eventually find yourself in frustration. Human beings will always be human beings, but if you look up to God for help, you can be sure that your expectation will not be cut short.

2. Learning to quit so that you can win

Over the years, we have learnt that success requires persistence, hard work, resilience, dedication and commitment, but there is more. Not all ventures or causes deserve your devotion, commitment and dedication; you have to quit some projects or causes so that you can win in others. Sometimes, we embark on journeys that are nothing but dead ends, but we lack the honesty to tell ourselves it is time to quit and reroute. 

In 2019, I learnt how to quit so that I can win. It could be very hard, especially when you are emotionally invested in a project or you are worried about what people are going to say. But this is a new angle to living a successful life – you will make tough decisions that require intuition, discernment and tactfulness. 

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain

3. Appreciate what you have

If you have a talent, a friend, a skill or an opportunity that you don’t appreciate, you are on the verge of losing it. Whatever you appreciate enjoys a free flow of affection and attention from you; hence it grows. If it is a seed, it germinates and sprouts. If it is a flower, it blossoms and sparkles in the hues of nature. If it is a tree, it buds and bears fruits. 

 In contrast, if you neglect what you have and don’t pay attention to it, it will wither and die. One of the primary causes of belittling what you have is envy. It stems from focusing on what others have and forgetting to appreciate and nurture what you have.  

In 2019, I learnt that what I have is enough if I am willing to commit my resources to its growth and expansion. Keep showing up every day with more water and nutrients and these tiny seeds will become mighty trees. 

4. Don’t settle until you get what you are looking for

If the goal is to see the mouth of a river, don’t row your boat to the middle of the river and give up. No, that’s not the way to win! Don’t settle along the road until you reach the destination. 

You are the only one with a perfect vision of what you are looking for, don’t let the sermons of lazy people make you settle for what contradicts what’s on your vision board. Keep moving until you find the coordinates of where you are destined to be. Keep shooting until you hit the target. 

5. Strip yourself of vulnerability, and you’ll become a robot

This past decade has seen lots of super-hero movies that we always deceive ourselves that we are superhumans. See, you are not a superman; neither are you a superwoman. You are living your life to show that you are flawless, and void of weaknesses is nothing but lies. You are human; you make mistakes, you make errors, some moments will break you, and some moments make you cry. Don’t be ashamed to present yourself as a broken vessel, even broken vessels birth beautiful flowers. 

As a leader, I learnt that being vulnerable is one sure way of connecting with empathy and leading better. This idea of an infallible man that never cries and a leader that knows all things is incredulous. Be human; that’s the way to live life to the fullest. 

Conclusion

In 2020, there will be lots of abundant opportunities to expand your territories, grow new skills and enlarge your capacities. Be bold, be confident, take risks and chase after your goals like never before. Live a balanced life full of gratitude. As you grow and become bigger, remember to be humble and show love to others. God bless you! 
Happy New Year in Advance! 
My 5 Best Reads of 2019

My 5 Best Reads of 2019

My 5 Best Reads of 2019

28

DECEMBER 2019

Samuel Osho

Asides my love for writing, I am a voracious reader that devours books both for relaxation and education. Reading helps to relax tense mental muscles and amplify imagination, it’s also an avenue to gather information on a new subject. 

In 2019, I read more books than I have done in previous years, and I am excited to share some of my best reads with you. I hope you find these books inspiring. The books on my list were necessary not published in 2019; in fact, some are quite old, but they are still relevant in their respective fields. 

5 Best Reads of 2019

1. Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

Anne Lamott’s compendium of instructions on writing is a superb blessing for any passionate writer. The book uncovered some nuggets via personal stories blended with humour. 

Lamott insists that to become a superb writer, you have to write more and don’t judge your competence based on your first drafts. You will have terrible first drafts. The earlier you know that, the better for you. For storytellers, Lamott’s advice is to keep writing until you unravel the hidden gems – the profiles of your characters, the dialogue forms, the setting and many more. The book offered tasks you can do to warm your writing engines before embarking on the “big” writing project. 

To finish a story, if you need the help of experts on unfamiliar subjects, don’t hesitate to reach out. Get those conversations going, and the perfect words might just come to you. Lamott also emphasized the essence of joining writing groups and seeking constructive criticism from editors or writers that believe in you.

2. The Dip by Seth Godin

Success requires lots of dedication, hard work and resilience. Everyone knows that, but Godin introduces a new angle, which is knowing when to quit a project, a company, a relationship so that you can win in other things.

Godin describes those tough times before success as either a dip or a cul-de-sac. In a cul-de-sac, you recite the mantra of resilience and perseverance, but it’s a ploy to drain your energy and resources – it’s a dead end. While a dip mirrors the same climatic conditions you face in a cul-de-sac, except that it’s going to lead you to a bright side – things get better if you push hard enough. 

A dip is a shortcut to success and weeds out your competitors. Still, it takes intuition, wisdom and sometimes, data to know the difference between a cul-de-sac and a dip. If you spot a cul-de-sac early in your journey, quit the race, save your energy and resources for better ventures. That’s how you quit to win.

“What a blessing it is to love books.” – Elizabeth von Arnim

3. Zero to One by Peter Thiel

This is a must-read for anyone interested in today’s style of entrepreneurship and start-up business. Peter Thiel is a highly intelligent founder and entrepreneur with more than two decades of experience in pioneering innovative technologies. The book makes a case for the true meaning of technology and demonizes the word “globalization” as copying what others are doing.

Thiel goes deep into business secrets that every entrepreneur needs to explore before making entry into new and existing markets. The book contains logical arguments fit for discourse in our ever-evolving world. Although the book tilts towards collaboration between businesses and paints unhealthy competition as idiotic, it has answers for entrepreneurs in both monopoly and competitive terrains.

What takes any business from zero to one is doing what others are not doing – creating new solutions and not merely repackaging what others are doing. I love the part that delved into how to set up a mafia team for a start-up, how to distribute and sell a new product, how to build a company with a robust culture. 

4. I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi’s expert advice on personal finance is a brilliant place to start if you are bent on living a life of financial freedom. Management of personal finances requires one to take charge; don’t be reactive but be proactive. The book propels you to take necessary actions towards your long-term financial goals. You will learn the rules of optimizing my credit card(s) and how to enjoy the perks that come with it. 

The book shows practical ways to supercharge your negotiation skills and avoid unnecessary bank charges. It went deeper into practical strategies for investing and how to start immediately. Ramit shows how to create a conscious spending plan after looking closely at your monthly spending behaviour. And then the exciting part kicks in with using automation as a smart way of saving more money. 

 In the end, I enjoyed the comments on saving for a wedding, getting a prenup, buying a house and buying a car. I am more confident about my finances and equipped with the information to make better decisions.

5. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Jean Greaves and Travis Bradberry

Greaves and Bradberry teamed up to create an instant supercharger for Emotional Intelligence. The book is a robust tool for anyone interested in learning about Emotional Intelligence and seeking practical ways of improving their Emotional Intelligence Quotient.

The introduction gives an eye-opener on how the emotional part of the brain continually overrides the rational part of the brain. It explains why the default response of human beings is usually a gust of emotions and not a series of logical and thoughtful reasoning. The scheme of emotional hijacking as many call it. 

The book further emphasizes the impact of High Emotional Intelligence on personal and professional pursuits. I learnt that Emotional Intelligence could be seen through four lenses: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management. Asides painting what it looks like being in the top or bottom percentile of each category, there were several daily practices you could start immediately to increase your emotional intelligence.

Conclusion

For a list of my favourite books, you can find them here

 

It’s your turn, please share with me in the comments section – what are the best books you read in 2019?

Do you have an idea that you would like to share with me?

Becoming an Effective Listener

Becoming an Effective Listener

Beta Life Series

Becoming an Effective Listener

Samuel Osho

Stop whatever you are doing, turn your head slowly, and survey your surroundings. Count how many people are talking at the moment.
One, Two, Three, Four, …” You lost count, right? 
It’s not just about them, you also love to talk. It’s an innate human desire to express your thoughts and above all, be seen and accepted. 

 

When two parties are involved in conversations, have you observed the pace of responses? One party is barely done speaking before the other party jumps in. Such conversations mirror debates with a series of rebuttals. You are ready to fire back before the speaking party is done. No wonder, several conversations are unproductive. 

Is it possible that while you are consumed with the drive to respond, you lose opportunities to learn, you miss chances to understand and consequently show a lack of ability to build trust? 

To be a superb communicator, you must sharpen your listening skills. Listen patiently to understand and not with an intent to criticize or reply.  

Listening distinguishes itself from hearing because it requires concentration. So, it’s impossible to listen if you are distracted by your phone. Give full eye contact, follow with nods, watch the body language, repeat some of the speaker’s statements when seeking clarifications.  

To be an effective listener, you have to follow along with rapt attention, unravel the story behind the message, and absorb everything you can from the conversation before responding. 

 

In a world where everyone is in a hurry to talk, excellent listeners are rare. However, you can spot them in the way they show empathy, build trust, make wise decisions, and lead united communities. 

To succeed as a leader, it is usually not about your inspiring speeches but how much intentional listening you can do. In listening with empathy, you connect with the heart, and that’s all that makes the difference.

Beta Life Series – Why Curiosity Matters

Beta Life Series – Why Curiosity Matters

Beta Life Series

Why Curiosity Matters

Samuel Osho

“Why do we have to wait for the picture,” she inquired impatiently.
Inventor Edwin Land had just snapped a picture, and his three-year-old daughter’s question sparked a series of thoughts. This innocent question inspired Dr. Land to birth the Polaroid instant camera. 
 
Kids are naturally curious and hence causing chaos while testing their hypothesis. Sadly, as you age, you unconsciously learn to be less curious. You keep your mouth shut as you take everything handed to you as sacred, real, finite, and ultimate.

 

That’s a big problem! 

 
Highly intelligent individuals unveiled timeless theories and principles after hours of research to answer some “why …?” and “what if …?” statements. 
 
Why does Isaac Newton have to bother about gravitational force? 
 
Florence Nightingale could have lived like every other normal English lady and ignore revolutionizing the world of nursing with her meticulous recommendations.
 
The Wright brothers might have lived longer if they stayed clear of passion for having mechanical bodies with wings in the air. 
What would have happened if these individuals did nothing significant in contributing to the bodies of knowledge discussed above? 
 
Well, I am glad they did not stay idle but worked hard to test their assumptions and satiate their curiosity.
 
Curiosity is key to life-long learning and discovering new things.
 
No wonder Einstein once admonished a young student to “never lose a holy curiosity.”
 
The essence of education at the barest minimum is to spark curiosity in students. Unfortunately, instead of lighting a flame, a host of educational systems douse the little sparks that students bring to the classroom. 
Before you conclude that curiosity and innovation are locked to the field of sciences. It is important to note that curiosity is merely asking the right questions that stimulate boundless explorations. 
 
To be outstanding and extraordinary in your pursuit of success, you need to imbibe an all-important skill: curiosity. Your leaps will be boundless. Interestingly, it’s a skill that can be learnt and practiced. 
 
Start by asking the right open-ended questions and relentlessly find answers to them. Be warned. These are not normal and quick quizzes you took in college. 

Getting some answers may take two hours, while some may take two years. Keep searching until you surpass stumbling on new and strange things but becoming the creator, the innovator, and the producer of what your world needs. 

Beta Life Series – What Are you Investing in?

Beta Life Series – What Are you Investing in?

Beta Life Series

What Are You Investing in? 

Samuel Osho

When American statesman Benjamin Franklin died in 1790, he left a sum of $4400 USD as a gift to each of two cities, Boston and Philadelphia. The money had to be loaned out to young married couples at five percent interest. Unfortunately, the cities couldn’t have full access until 1990.

Two hundred years later, Franklin’s $8800 donation had grown to more than $6.5 million between two cities! 

 

Now, that’s a true story! 
 
Well, this is not about investments in brokerage accounts. 
 
It’s about a deliberate investment in yourself – mind, brain, skills, and relationships. 
It’s been a tradition for so many to struggle with reading three or five books a year. What if you can stay consistent with finishing ten or twenty pages per day, you will be amazed at how many books you would have completed by the end of the year. 
 
Set a goal for yourself and go for it. 
 
If you decide to read at least 20 pages of a book per day, you would have finished 12 books (200-page each) in four months. 
If you could write 250 words every day towards the completion of your book, you would have compiled a 120-page (30,000-word) first draft in about four months. 
 
If you devote one hour to learning a new skill every day, imagine how much competence you would have amassed in three months. 
 
There is tremendous power in the act of consistently investing in yourself. 

 

If you are currently experiencing a burnout or knowledge drought, don’t you think this is the best time for you to create a plan that will see you plunge into books, online courses and much more. 

You are your most valuable asset – your life, your mind, your brain, your body, your spirit, and your skills. If you can focus on making intentional investments in yourself, you will discover that there are no limits to what you can become. 

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